Being a parent can be wonderful and really hard. Here are two takes on the same scenario. I recognise both and have definitely been the first Sally and the second. How about you?
Home from school… Take #1
Dan was feeling really upset and in no mood to speak to anyone, and definitely not his Mum or his sister, both of whom would be home already.
Dan arrived home, unlocked the front door and headed straight to his room. He knew he probably should say hello to his Mum but he just couldn’t right now. He was too wound up, and near to tears and he did not want anyone to see that!
“Dan? Is that you?” called his Mum from the kitchen.
Dan managed to shout out an explosive “Yes” before entering his room and slamming the door. He threw himself onto his bed and then heard the inevitable footsteps on the stairs. Mum was on her way up.
Sally knocked on Dan’s door and walked in. It didn’t occur to her to wait for Dan to answer her knock before she walked in,, he was only thirteen after all and it was her house.
“Jesus Mum, can’t you give me five minutes peace for God’s Sake” muttered Dan, against his better judgment but too boiled to keep quiet.
“What’s wrong with you Dan?” Sally started. “Why can’t you just come and say hello? You’re so irritable these days, always in your room, not a pleasant word to say to anyone!”
“I’m just tired” muttered Dan.
“Tired?!” exclaimed Sally. “Tired?! And no wonder when you’re up all hours on that video game or talking to your friends til the early hours. And then I have to drag you out of bed in the morning or you’d never get to school. We’ve got parents evening next week and I’m dreading what your teachers are going to say if you’ve got the same attitude at school as you have here. I’m fed up with this Dan, you’ll make nothing of yourself if you don’t wake up and start working harder. You need to change your attitude!”
By this stage Dan had turned to face the wall and had switched off from his Mum’s ranting. He knew that there was no point in answering or trying to explain why he was so angry, he wasn’t even sure that he knew. He hated it when his Mum was like this, they used to get on really well and have a good laugh about things. He wasn’t sure what had changed and really wished that he could be nicer, easier, happier but that just wasn’t happening, especially when Mum was on his case all the time.
“Oh, you’re impossible Dan! You’re not even listening, you never used to be so rude. I’m tempted to get Dr Morrison to talk to you, he might be able to sort you out!”
With that Sally stormed out of the room and Dan, with a sigh of relief switched on his video game . Any sense of frustration, anger or upset were quickly ignored as he started to play his latest game.
Dan did go downstairs for dinner and he and Sally hardly had a word to say to each other. As soon as he could Dan went back upstairs and shut himself in his room. Sally sat wondering what was wrong with her son and why he had changed so much. Dan’s Dad arrived home from work to be met with a tense and upset wife and he felt worried and sad for his family.
Home from school… Take #2
Dan was feeling really upset and in no mood to speak to anyone, and definitely not his Mum or his sister, both of whom would be at home already.
Dan arrived home, unlocked the front door and headed straight to his room. He knew he probably should say hello to his Mum but he just couldn’t right now. He was too wound up, and near to tears and he did not want anyone to see that!
“Dan? Is that you?” called his Mum from the kitchen.
Dan managed to shout out an explosive “Yes” before entering his room and slamming the door. He threw himself onto his bed and immediately felt himself start to relax in the welcome sanctuary of his own room.
Downstairs in the kitchen his Mum Sally was chatting to his younger sister Savi and making some snacks for all of them. She knew that dinner seemed a long way off when you came home from school.
“Why doesn’t Dan come and see us anymore Mum” asked Savi. “He’s always so grumpy and rude”
“Well” answered Sally. “I don’t think he means to be. He’s really tired what with school, football at the weekend and he’s been growing a lot lately, that’s tiring too!”
“He should go to bed earlier then” said Savi “He stays up playing his video game, I heard you telling Dad, and then he can’t get up in the morning”
“I know” said Sally “I’m sure it’s a phase, we’ll all get used to it. I’ll just take up his snackand see how he is”
Sally knocked on Dan’s door and waited for Dan to answer before she walked in. She’d realised a while ago that he really wanted his privacy these days and she knew that that was fair enough, he was thirteen after all.
“I’ve brought you a snack honey, I reckon you’re probably hungry”
“Thanks” muttered Dan, still too boiled to say anymore.
“You okay sweetheart?” Sally asked. “You seem a bit upset”
“I’m just tired” muttered Dan.
“Oh okay” answered Sally. “Come down when you’re ready and if I can help in any way, just let me know” and Sally left him to it.
By this stage Dan had turned to face the wall but had still heard what his Mum had said. He knew that there was no point in trying to explain why he was so angry, he wasn’t even sure that he knew. He might have a chat with Mum later if he was still feeling upset, she was always good to sound off to. Not like Jake’s Mum who never listened and just ranted at Jake.
Dan really was grateful that his Mum was so cool, they had always got on really well and hada good laugh about things. He knew that he had changed and really wished that he could be nicer, easier, happier but that just wasn’t happening right now. Mum had told him not to worry, that it was just the teenage hormones creating havoc, and that things would settle down, and that she was there for him whenever she needed him.
Dan switched on his video game . Any sense of frustration, anger or upset were quickly ignored as he started to play his latest game.
He did go downstairs for dinner and he, Sally and Savi had a good chat about school and how hard it was sometimes. Sally talked about her school days and Dan couldn’t believe some of the things she had got up to! Dan’s Dad arrived home from work to be met with laughter and he felt so grateful for his brilliant family..
